Charles Plemons’ Blog

I am a big supporter of the R-Word Campaign. As such, I was appalled to read the latest April and Beyond Preview by Bart Carroll talking about how much he and the staff love this article. Really, the article is little more than an opportunity to revel in the degrading use of “retard”. Way to go, Wizards of the Coast! I can promise you Bart Carroll is on my list of authors I won’t book from again. Fail.

Here’s an interesting article about the Special Olympics’ new campaign against the word “retard”. The poster is pretty pointed, I do believe. You can find out even more at http://www.r-word.org/.

It reminds me of my Rant from two years ago on the same topic. Since that rant, I’ve heard a revised word enter our language that is really worse, “f%cktard”.

Sometimes my mind wanders about and comes across ideas. My latest is successful music. I was listening to a CD by a group, and it was a dismal disappointment after their previous release. It got me thinking about what makes an album (not a song) successful. Is it great lyrics? Usually not. How about very talented musicians? Sometimes, but not necessary. A strong message? Rarely. Then it hit me. I believe many albums become successful because they contain a passion that the audience can connect with. This is not to say that it only takes passion; there are plenty of passionate musical failures. A connecting passion that finds a home in the listener is the key.

Sometimes this is a band’s initial release (although not always). As an example, consider Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction. This album is raw, gritty, and passionate. It evokes an image of rough streets, violence, drugs, and rock life. It makes the listener feel. Later albums, although commercially successful, were nothing but pale reflections of their debut. Somewhere between struggling to make it and becoming super rock stars, Guns N’ Roses lost their passion. They couldn’t connect it with the listener anymore. Another prime example of this same situation would be Disturbed. When The Sickness was released, I was floored. I played the album over and over, enthralled by the music. Much like Guns N’ Roses did 15 years before, Disturbed captured a new era of a rough, grungy, rock life. Every album since has been laughable. Don’t get me wrong, Disturbed is extremely talented, and the music is good, it just has no passion. It is forgettable. Will they recapture that passion? Not likely, so few ever do.

Sometimes a band needs to get an album or two under their belts before they find their passion. My first thought in this category is Nine Inch Nails’ Broken. This album followed Pretty Hate Machine, which only proved to Trent Reznor that he could make music. It wasn’t until Broken that he did it with passion. And sadly, he hasn’t done it again since. Have you ever noticed that when musicians find a “purpose” for their music, it is no longer worth listening to? That, I feel, is the unfortunate fate of NIN. I do understand though. It is hard to keep that angst, energy, and frustration that fuels your music going when you are a multi-million selling artist. Is it fitting that NIN’s protégé, Marilyn Manson fits the same bill? Their second full-length album, Antichrist Superstar, allowed Marilyn Manson to find their niche and dig into it with irreverent ferocity. Passion. Everything since, while entertaining, has fallen flat and… passionless. It’s gone. Oh, I don’t doubt that Mr. Manson is a passionate individual, but the connection is gone. The best they’ll ever be was in 1996.

Some bands find their passion in their comeback efforts. I immediately think of Aerosmith’s Pump. Although not the first of their comeback attempt, this album screamed, “we’re here, and we aren’t leaving!” They have been amazingly successful ever since, but no later album has had the nonstop passion from beginning to end like this. Consider also AC/DC’s Back In Black. After death of singer Bon Scott, AC/DC released this album with new singer Brian Johnson. Worldwide, it has been outsold by only one other record… Michael Jackson’s Thriller. I contend it is the raw passion that makes this album the second most successful album of all time, all around the world. It isn’t the great lyrics—face it, almost every song is sexual innuendo or just plain sex. It isn’t the great musical skill—it is good rock, but these aren’t the most talented musicians to ever live. It is the passionate delivery that connects each and every time you listen. AC/DC has never repeated this feat, and likely never will.

Some bands defy logic and succeed through their passion, despite not releasing the best songs. Can there be a more obvious example than KISS? I’ll use their Double Platinum album as the example. It is full of mediocre songs that you cannot help but love. If you stop and think for a minute, “Rock and Roll All Nite” is one of the stupidest songs ever written; it’s a hit. You want to get a room full of people singing, laughing, and having a good time? Put this song on. Everyone knows it, everyone sings along. It is full of passion. KISS is the walking example of what I’m talking about. They connect. Granted, their new material hasn’t done so in a long time, but their early years were filled with this energy.

I don’t feel any of these are the best bands ever. However, unlike so many musicians out there, these are some groups that have found that way to reach out and grab you, forcing you to take notice. They found that passion, bottled it, and pressed it into an album. They have that “something” that lets them connect when the one-hit wonders fall away. A catchy beat, good lyrics, and talent will only get you so far. If you want to be a legendary musician, find your passion and figure out how to make others see it.

McDonald’s again. As I sat in the long drive thru line at McDonald’s last night to get food for the family, I began reading the big white and red signs they had beside the order prompter. They read “For Faster Service” and “Please Have Money Ready”.

That’s not an unreasonable request, but if you stop and think about it, McDonald’s is telling us that their service is lousy because we are lousy customers. Here are some ideas for faster service, McDonald’s:

• Have equipment that allows clear communication between you and the person taking the order.
• Get my order right when I tell it to you.
• Quit trying to up size everything I say. If I want something, I’ll tell you. You don’t have to ask me for every freaking item if I want it bigger, better or badder. I just want what I ordered.
• Learn to count back money.
• Try putting the coins in my hand first rather than on top of those nice smooth bills. You will fumble less.
• Give me the right order at the “second window”.
• Don’t try to artificially “improve” your drive thru wait times by having me pull around the building and wait for you to walk through the entire store out to my car to bring me my food.

Having read these signs and getting annoyed by their insult, I pull up to the order prompter. As I suspected, I could barely hear the person asking for my order. I lean out of my window and say I want “three double cheeseburgers”. On the digital order screen, it immediately reads “33 Double Cheeseburgers”. I tell the order taker that was “3″ not “33″. She very curtly replies “I know that, sir.” Then, there is silence and I wait. And wait. And wait. I’m assuming that she doesn’t know how or doesn’t have the ability to fix the order. About two minutes later, the 33 changes to a three, and a $4+ chicken sandwhich of some kind pops on there too. I don’t know where that came from, so I have to get that removed as well. Finally, I’m able to finish my ordering.

Yet, McDonald’s posts signs telling me I’m the reason their service is pathetic.

Well, here is my second rant about Wal-Mart. This time, I’m not mad or frustrated; rather, this is about ignorance.

I caught the latest Wal-Mart commerical this morning regarding school supplies. I wasn’t paying it a lot of attention, until one person was discussing supplies and said, “I have two words for you. Wal-Mart.”

First of all, “Wal” is not a word (according to the dictionary). Second, that hyphen makes “Wal-Mart” a single word. That’s two reasons for “Wal-Mart” not being two words. Maybe not a big deal, but this was on a commerical about school and education. The message I took was not their low prices but their blatant stupidity.

Ah good, Lindsey’s mother, Dina, has now chimed in to relate her disappointment regarding Jay Leno poking fun at her little girl. She emailed Access Hollywood, saying:

“We have a great respect for Jay Leno but we are disappointed in the path he chose to allow a guest to make light of a very serious situation concerning Lindsay. This is a very personal and private matter and our only concern is to get Lindsay the help that she needs. We will get through this together and it will make our family stronger.”

She then went on to praise Craig Ferguson, saying:

“Thank you to Craig Ferguson for not making a mockery of such a serious situation to which teens and young adults are facing across the country! Our thoughts and prayers go out to all families who have had to see a family member through tough times.”

One of the prices you pay for drinking and driving and drug use is a bit of public ridicule, scorn and disdain. If you don’t want that, then here’s an idea, don’t drink and drive and/or use drugs. I know that seems like a stretch, but it really does solve the problem.

The irony here is that she is trying to instill what she believes to be some values or morals in Jay Leno… wouldn’t it have made more sense to instill some values in her daughter?

If I don’t know you, don’t touch my child. Having met you within the last couple of minutes does not count as me “knowing you.”

I have a cute 15-month old son. I know he’s cute because I can’t go anywhere without oodles of people coming up saying how cute he is, and wanting to touch, poke, prod, stroke, or heaven-forbid, kiss him. I don’t know you, I don’t know where you’ve been. Don’t touch my child. Don’t touch anyone’s child.

I am well aware that these people mean no harm. However, I cannot say the same about my over-protective surly fatherhood. Every day, there is some more horrendous, more insidious deed that you read about in the news that someone has done to a child. Not too long ago, a woman in Texas killed her own infant by cutting its arms off with a steak knife. My knee-jerk reaction when a stranger touches my child is to start taking swings at said stranger and ask questions later. It is neither an intentional nor rational thought, but it is the immediate thought.

Strangers include store clerks, waitresses, and anyone else who suddenly “thinks” they are familiar enough to lay hands upon my child. Fair warning.

Wal-Mart really has us over a barrel. Their prices make it hard not to go there, but their customer service makes lousy look good. This weekend, I stood in one of the half-dozen lines of six to seven carts each, waiting to check out. Things were moving “okay”, all things considered. Finally, after about 15 minutes, we were “next”. I unloaded my cart as the cashier rang up the items for the lady in front of us. This lady had brought in competitor ads, which Wal-Mart will price match. Well, they say they will, but the cashier couldn’t figure out how. She punched buttons for a while. Then she let out a deep sigh and stared at the customer for a bit. Maybe she thought she’d give up and take the item at the Wal-Mart price. Finally, she tried, and failed, some more. So, she turned on her blinking “trouble” light. After about 5 minutes, instead of any kind of manager or service rep coming up, the lady handing out the cart baskets (yes, the door greeter) came over and asked what was wrong.

For a while longer, they clicked, they scanned, they sighed, they typed. Finally, they realized, they couldn’t do it. Their solution? They gave the lady $0.11 to make up the difference. That’s right, $0.11 freaking cents! We waited over ten minutes for these geniuses over a dime and a penny.

But that’s not the good part! As she starts ringing up our order, she looks at the lady behind us (and the four people in line behind her) and tells them she is closed after our order. They waited in the line for over 30 minutes and were turned away. When pressed on the matter, she told us all that no one was coming to replace her and she would get written up if she didn’t close the register and go on break.

I would complain to a manager, but then, the cashier’s trouble light was still flashing, and no one had shown up! All of these people were nicer than I; they went and got in the back of other lines. I would have left my cart, full, and walked out the door had I not got rung up.

“Have It Your Way” may be a registered trademark of Burger King, but it certainly doesn’t appear evident in their restaurants. Yesterday, I had lunch at a local Burger King and observed the madness that their new “Which Spidey Suits You” game is wrecking. If unfamiliar, the Burger King french fries have a pull tab on the box with two “rub off” areas. You choose to reveal the red spider-man or black spider-man rub off and can win free stuff, including great things like free small onion rings or free small french fries. (Wow, what a freaking prize.)

In the fine print of the game rules, it states you cannot claim multiple prizes at once. I understand this and have no real problem with it, but most people don’t seem to read this. As I sat and watched people go up to the counter, the manager (who seemed to be doing double-duty as the cashier) repeated over and over to everyone coming up that you can only use one winning pull tab at a time. One guy used one and moved to the back of the line to use the next one, where he was informed by the same manager that you cannot use more than one in any 2 hour period (that’s not spelled out in the fine print, by the way). He repeatedly told people the policy was “corporate”, not his. I watched one person get told he cannot use more than one tab, and he turned and walked out, buying nothing.

My rant is this. Customer after customer after customer became frustrated or mad over this stupid game. There is more bad publicity than good because of this. In an hour’s time, I witnessed at least 15 people come in and have a negative experience at Burger King due to the “one at a time” rule. If your company is prepared to give the item away, does it truly matter if you give several things away at once? This is so stupid and so negative, even people like me are posting about it on the mighty interweb! If your promotion is doing more to damage your reputation than not having the promotion, do away with it. Come on Burger King, either have some common sense or stop running this crap!

I realize I am getting old. New technology and ideas bombards us on all sides, and I know I’m having a hard time keeping up. I can barely work a cell phone. I don’t have a Facebook or MySpace account, nor do I want one. Until recently, I didn’t even know what RSS was.

For those still in the dark, RSS is a way for web surfers to “bookmark” not your webpage, but your last 10 or so updates to your webpage. Thus, the person does not need to visit your website to see if there is something new, they can look at their bookmark and see everything that’s new and click directly to what interests them. I found out about RSS because my friends started using RSS bookmarks of this blog. I started looking for RSS-enabled websites and found several that I’m very interested in had this feature enabled. Now, in about 10 seconds, I can scan numerous websites I like to visit to see if anything has changed since the last time I was there. Unless you do it, you just can’t believe how convenient this is. I stay much more informed on a lot more different things because I don’t have to wait for pages to load, remember to visit certain sites and otherwise spend time looking for information. I check my RSS links every so often, and I know exactly what sites have something for me to read.

Here’s the rant. RSS has been around for a while now, and it is amazing how many websties are NOT using this feature. If you have a service or product you want people to get information about online, you need to get RSS right away. You are missing tons of potential customers.

An example of how this works can be seen on my home page. Because this is the first page that loads in my browser, I setup several live RSS feeds from sites I like to visit. By the time my page has loaded, I know which sites to visit. The days of setting one website you like to read as your “home” page are fading fast. RSS feeds are much more efficient, and in this fast-paced world, that will continue driving it forward.

Jump on this RSS boat before you sink…